


Sinking, Feeling

by PanicFOB



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, F/M, Language, post snap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-09
Updated: 2019-09-09
Packaged: 2020-10-13 06:53:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20578298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PanicFOB/pseuds/PanicFOB
Summary: You hadn’t spoken to Steve in two years, but you needed each other now. Inspired by the lyrics of Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap.





	Sinking, Feeling

You were at the golf course with your brother when the worst day of your life began. The two of you both worked long hours at your respective jobs, so you had made a promise to each other to get together once a month and hang out for a day. Sometimes you went out for lunch, other times you watched movies or TV together, but the most enjoyable times were spent playing a round of golf. It was the only sport that both of you were good at.

Robert had worked for SHIELD before it collapsed. Now, he worked for the FBI, and they rarely let him have a day off. You were an English professor at Columbia University, and during the school year, there was rarely a night you weren’t drowning in papers that needed grading. You looked forward to these days with your brother so much. The two of you were only two years apart, and you had been the best of friends growing up. There was just nobody that understood you quite like he did.

You had just been up to put at the green on hole seven. Robert had a tendency of trying to distract you at the exact moment you swung your club. “Have you heard from him lately?” he said, and you hit the ball just a little too hard because you knew exactly who he was talking about.

“Nope. And I don’t want to.”

You walked across the green to try again.

“How long are you gonna be mad at him?”

“For the rest of eternity probably.” You swung your club perfectly this time, and the ball went in.

“Grudges aren’t healthy, Y/N,” he advised you. You ignored him as you squatted down to fish your golf ball out of the hole.

When you lifted your head back up, Robert had a confused look on his face as he stared at his hand that was held out in front of him and slowly turning to dust.

“Robert?!” You ran toward him as his hand disappeared and his arm was starting to follow. “What the hell is going on?”

He didn’t utter a word. He just looked at you with panic and fear in his eyes as he drifted away, dust floating in the gentle spring breeze. You fell to your knees and sobbed. “ROBERT!” you shouted to the empty golf course.

After you had a moment to collect yourself, you pulled your phone out of your back pocket and dialed the one number you had promised yourself you would never use again.

It rang for several long moments before someone picked up. “Steve?” you could barely speak from crying so much.

“Y/N? Thank god you’re still alive.” He sounded like he had been crying too.

“What are talking about? Steve, I’m calling because Robert is gone! We were playing golf and one second he was there and then the next he was turning to dust!” You paused to let out another sob. “There was nothing I could do. I couldn’t save him. I don’t understand. There’s gotta be something you can do, Steve.”

“I’m so sorry, Y/N, but it wasn’t just Robert. A lot of people are gone. I can’t really explain it right now. Look, I’ll come by your house as soon as I’m back in New York.”

“What? No, don’t hang up! Just tell me what to do! How do I get him back?!”

“I can’t… I don’t know. Just go home. I’ll see you there.”

All of the anger you had been feeling for this man over the past two years suddenly erupted from you. “Fuck you, Steve Rogers! You are never fucking there for me when I actually need you! Don’t bother coming by. I’ll figure this out without your help.” You quickly hung up the phone.

It had been through Robert’s job at SHIELD that you had come to meet Steve. Back then, Steve had been a man in the wrong time trying to learn how to navigate the new century. Your brother had befriended him and made a constant effort to get him caught up on current pop culture. Sam Wilson had joined in on the effort as well just before SHIELD collapsed. After that, when Steve wasn’t busy doing official Avengers business, he was hanging out in Robert’s backyard along with you and Sam and anyone else your brother decided to invite.

It was then that you got rather close to the blue-eyed man. He made you feel special when he was around, and you fell into bed with him far too many times. He also had a knack for making you feel forgettable when he was away fighting evil organizations. He could never commit to you or promise you more than random nights tangled in the sheets. You had fallen in love with him, but he seemed to be more in love with saving the world than he could ever be with you. When he was with you, you were really feeling, feeling it all. When he was gone, you felt nothing but the sinking of your heart.

You probably would have let the unhealthy cycle continue forever, but Steve suddenly became a criminal on the run in his efforts to save his friend Bucky. He had been god knows where for the past two years, trying to call you every few weeks, but you never answered. Robert had always answered when Steve phoned him, and your brother would give you updates on the man despite you telling him that you wanted nothing to do with Captain America any longer.

It was the next day when you actually figured out what was happening. The news was telling some grand tale of an alien named Thanos that had somehow snapped half the earth’s population out of existence. It seemed to be true; as you walked home from a quick stop by your office at Columbia that day, the streets had been mostly empty, and the people that were around had their heads hung low, each clearly carrying a heavy weight.

You spotted him in your armchair the second you walked through your front door. “I told you not to come,” you said darkly.

He stood up, shoulders drooped and absolute exhaustion clear on his face. “I know you don’t want me here… but you need me… and I might need you even more.”

You scowled at that. “Steve, it’s been two years. You cannot do this to me now… not when Robert is gone and I’m so goddamn lost and this can’t be happening.” An ugly cry ripped from your throat once again. You weren’t sure there would ever be a day without crying as long as Robert was gone.

Steve rushed to you and wrapped you up in his huge arms.

You wanted to let yourself sink into his comfort, but you were still overwhelmingly angry at this man. You pushed him away from you with all your might.

“Don’t! Don’t fucking pretend like you care. You don’t care a bit about me, Steve.”

You could see him finally get frustrated with you. “Yes. I. Do. I know you’re upset, but you’re not the only one that lost someone. Bucky and Sam are both gone. The last time we heard from Tony, he was off in space somewhere. I’m hurting just as much as you are. Please don’t push me away right now.”

“No, I don’t believe you. How… how can you expect me to believe that you care about me in the slightest when for the four fucking years that we’ve known each other, you treated me like a thing you could fuck when you were feeling lonely and then leave without a word?”

“I never left you without a word, and you know it. Sure, I couldn’t be with you all the time, but when I was, I gave you everything I could. And I tried calling you so many times these past two years, but you refused to answer. Maybe if you could ever meet me in the fucking middle for once, Y/N! I loved you so much, and I still love you, and I’m sorry I couldn’t be the type of man that was there every day when you got home from work, but that doesn’t diminish how much I care about you.”

He was crying now too. You reached up and wiped the tears from his cheeks with your shaking fingers. All the fight suddenly left you. You had been wrong, Steve did love you, even if he had a shit way of showing it.

“You’re right, Steve: I need you. And we need to get my brother and Sam and Bucky back along with everyone else. And then I need you to stay with me this time after we’ve won. I need you to not run along to the next mission and leave me with an empty bed.”

He cupped the back of your head with his large hand. “We’ll get them back. The rest of the team is already working on it. And once they’re back, I’ll stay with you. I’m done being an Avenger after this.”

“Promise me, Steve.”

“I promise you, Y/N.”

When your lips met, you tasted salt from both your tears and his. You made love that night, working to mend the hurt that you each felt, providing the comfort that you both needed, and creating a momentary bliss that allowed you to forget about the stress and agony that was a post-snap world.


End file.
